I HOPE THIS TIME YOU WILL REMEMBER ME

I don’t want to be overdramatic but for once I want you to remember me. I want you to remember those days we laughed at my silly shenanigans. I want you to remember those days I couldn’t hold back my tears and you let me cried on your shoulder. I want you to remember how I giggled over our cute selfies. I want you to remember how you frowned when I said, “I can’t. It’s impossible”. I want you to remember how you pretend to listen about the book I finished last night. I’m pretty sure you can’t relate because you hate reading. I want you to remember the first time I became brokenhearted over my crush who was already taken. You laughed at me and then you said “You’re too hopeless!”. You even gloated, “it was you who hurt yourself” you said. I want you to remember the day we listened to your favorite country songs that I couldn’t even decipher the lyrics and you were mad. You said I didn’t appreciate it. I want you to remember how we became engrossed in the movie we watched. I remember, that was the first time I saw you cried. You said, real men are not afraid to cry.

I want you to remember those crazy chats and text messages. I want you to remember my favorite songs. I want you to remember how we fought and you kept on messaging me, asking me if I was still mad. I want you to remember the days we just sighed. I want you to remember all of my dramas in life. I want you also to remember the first day we met. It also happened to be the first day of school and you were my seatmate. You asked if I had an extra pen and I just rolled my eyes. Well, who knows that you’ll be my best friend.

You know, you’re one of the best things that has ever happened to me. We were both an open book.   Now, you’re going somewhere far from me. It was your dream, isn’t? It was your dream job and your dream country.

I hope this time, you will remember me. I hope you will remember these. Maybe the next time we will meet again, we are both brave enough to say our feelings out loud. Maybe not.

They said, some people are not meant to stay in our life. So enjoy the days while they are here. I am glad. I did.

 

Photo: copy to the owner

Advertisements

To The Woman Who Taught Me Everything

To the woman who never gets tired of listening to my tantrums and complaints. To the woman who will never taunt me if I fall. To the woman who understands my weakness. To the woman who embraced my flaws. To the woman who listens to my outlandish dramas. To the woman who laughs at my not-so-funny jokes. To the woman who always ready to listen to my negativity. To the woman who I can always lean on. To the woman who taught me that there is hope. To the woman who taught me to pray and to have faith in God. To the woman who never gets tired of loving me. To the woman who has seen my dark sides yet still loves me ceaselessly. To the woman who never gives up. To the woman who’s teeming with knowledge and bountiful love. Thank you. Thank you for the sacrifices you have made so that we could have everything we needed. I am not who I am today without you. I love you. You’re God’s greatest gift for us. Happy Mother’s Day ♥️🌼🌸

Processed with VSCO with b5 preset
Processed with VSCO with b5 preset

Glimpse of Idea


Today, I walked pass the stranger and I wonder what he thinks about me when our gaze collided. Today, I answered my professor’s question and I wonder what she thinks about me. Today, I wonder what my friends think about me if we’re not together. Today, I wonder what my mom thinks about me when I was cozily sleeping on her bed. Today, I wonder what my father thinks about me when I sang his favorite song. Today, I wonder what God thinks about me whenever I say “I can’t continue anymore.”, “Life doesn’t make sense.” or “That’s it! I gave up.”. I wonder what He thinks about me whenever I am doubting myself. Today, I wonder what the devil thinks about me whenever I am praying. Today, I just wonder what people think about me. Can I dive deeper inside their minds and read every single word that they can say about me? Is that even possible?

 

I always wish I could read people’s mind. So that, somehow I could have that glimpse of idea of who I really am. Because you know what, the most painful thing is not losing yourself. It’s the idea of not knowing who you really are.

SILENT CRY

I was lying on my ransacked bed;
I can hear the sound of the creepy bell—-
of an old, obsolete, and haunted church;
It gives chill through my whole body.

The cold and melancholic wind
was trying to seep through the windows
Of my frigid and lifeless room.
The whole universe was overpowered by darkness.

I thought it was just a cinch—-
To be free from the voices who are singing
Inside your head;
like, there was a ventriloquist living inside it.

And I was their slave
I don’t know how to fight
It’s hard..
It’s hard to fight when your enemy is yourself.

Every night, when the wind traipses the corner of my room
There’s an incantation that I hear
I want to be free—-
But they are living inside me.

Am I insane?
Asking myself in front of the mirror,
I can see the lifeless reflection of a man—-
Looking so dull and unhappy
But trying to be resilient.

the unheard remorse,
the wounded heart,
the sound of a weeping heart,
a blood that is coursing down through his finger tip
There was no life at all
He’s breathing and yet he’s dead.

Ellipses

I was too nice to say no
yet I was also afraid to say “I love you”
I am not your “promises” nor your “dreams”…
I am not meant to be broken.
I had two choices to ponder
are you my blessing?
Or just another disaster
maybe both…

Nightmare

Beers,
Candles,
Red roses,
Red lights.

Fear,
Laughter,
Hurt,
and Lies.

To love you was my biggest regret
Wanna know my worst nightmare?
It was the time you and I met.
How ironic this sounds to me?

I filled that part of you
and everything I gave;
I became the part of you
that I was trying to save.

 

 

 

——

photo: copy to the owner

2018— Thank U, Next

Normally, for a teenager like me who’s standing on the precipice of adulthood. There are things that make me feel perplexed. There are
days I feel like as if I was walking on the pathless road without knowing what my purpose is.

2018 is one of those years where I experienced being depressed a lot of times. I also had mental breakdown and anxieties. Yet, I survived and I keep on telling that I will continue surviving for my dreams and for the people who are rooting for me.

I used to have this diary where I scribbled my thoughts but as I aged; I’ve realized that it’s not the bunch of blank notes and ballpen I really need but rather a person who I can lean on. A person who has two ears, two hands, and one heart to listen to my unending and outlandish dramas and shenanigans.

As 2018 comes to an end. Here are the 13 things that this year taught me:

1. Your dreams change.
2. Family is more important.
3. You will never decipher God’s ways. Instead of whining and complaining, trust Him instead.
4. If you have 20 friends, only 2 or 3 of them are the ones you can trust.
5. This may sound trite; some people in your life are visitors. Don’t taunt yourself if they chose to leave.
6. I have my two soul-sisters behind me.
7. Every journey has its own ending.
8. You’ll realize that you love yourself if something unexpected happens to you.
9. If you don’t want to regret your choice. Guard your thoughts and emotions.
10. Sadness is ephemeral so does happiness.
11. If your heart desires for something. It desires for a reason. However, be ready to pay the price. Not all success is free. Paulo Coelho once said in his book, “free cheese can only be found in a mouse trap”.
12. I’m not everyone’s cup of tea neither their first choice.
13. God is the author of my life. He knows when and how will my story end.

I once read a quote in our college textbook it says “the evidence of life is growth”. I’ll be 20 next year, who knows, 2019 could be the year that I’ve been waiting for. As of now, I’m kind of excited yet anxious because I’ll be embarking on another year. My empty jars are ready to be filled with memories.

But before I bid my goodbye to the year that is about to end, I have three words to say.

2018,

Thank U, next.