words by CJ Sanchez
An austere reaction
plastered through my visage,
too naive about my future,
too conscious about everything.
I am not an open book
don’t try to read me,
For you might loath me
once you read my chapters.
I was drunk
it’s not the lusty wine
you should blame,
but the wind.
My mind is too dazed to think
The eerie voice of the ventriloquist
makes me quiver
the stone is too soft, I could crush it using my head.
If you want to touch me
Please don’t let me fall,
for I am too fragile,
I beg you not to break me.
I longed for the love that I will never receive,
I gave the love that I thought they deserved,
is it enough?
Am I enough?
Or I was just in loved with the idea
of people inside my head,
And I have forgotten
That reality exists.
Would you like to see
the tears of my weary heart?
it made you feel elated,
you will see the other side of me.
It’s a fool of me to long for peace,
to push myself for
this precious thing,
the thing that I will never have.
I am afflicted,
my careworn mind wanted to rest,
Turn off that light, turn off my mind
I must stop trying, I must stop crying.
He welcomed those people
to be part of his story,
they were his angels,
but they were armed with knives.
I gave you everything,
but you wished
for my own downfall
and I granted it.
There is a place inside me
that you will never hesitate to venture,
behind my smiling face is a dying guy
who was once the victim of vicious world.
Inside me was a sepulchral place
you will not find a place to rest,
but rather a place to lie.
Thousand liters of tears pour from the sky,
it tickled through my face.
I maybe resilient
but my remorse won’t make me a better person.