“Why me? Why is it always me?” I asked him. He could see how hurt I was. My tears were drifting. I was deeply hurt.

“Maybe, there is something special about you that other people don’t have. That’s why this is happening?” he said calmly while wrapping me with his arms. I buried my face on his chest for a minute; he smells like a fresh wind of summer; his skin was as soft as the cotton and as white as milk. I can’t thoroughly see his face but my guts told me to trust him. He could decipher my eyes.

“Tell me what is that something special about me? I’m not even that smart. I’m not rich. I’m not talented. I’m not enough. See, there is nothing special about me. But why the world seems against on what I want. Why the world is always against on my dreams? Why people enjoy seeing me suffer? Why life is so mean? Am I that bad or cruel? Why do I need to suffer from this terrible pain?Can’t you see? I’m already living my life in vain!”

I asked him again. But there is no way he could give me the answer. He doesn’t know. He doesn’t have any idea what it feels like to wake up every morning with your heart full of hatred, with your mind swarming with insurmountable and unanswerable questions.

“You know what they usually say? God gives his hardest battles to his strongest soldiers. This battle will make you stronger, believe me. It’s okay to rest but don’t quit. This may sound trite but indeed, everything happens for a reason. I know you’ll get through this. The world is not against you. It’s sometime you, it’s sometimes us who’re against to our dreams because we kept on thinking that all of them are too impossible to achieve. Be brave CJ, there is a reason behind everything.”

I nodded and tried to savour every single word he said. His voice was calm, so reassuring. He has a power to lighten the burden inside me. When I opened my eyes I was in my room. It was a dream but it feels so true. He was probably my angel… my seraphim.


Photo: copy to the owner


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