Glimpse of Idea


Today, I walked pass the stranger and I wonder what he thinks about me when our gaze collided. Today, I answered my professor’s question and I wonder what she thinks about me. Today, I wonder what my friends think about me if we’re not together. Today, I wonder what my mom thinks about me when I was cozily sleeping on her bed. Today, I wonder what my father thinks about me when I sang his favorite song. Today, I wonder what God thinks about me whenever I say “I can’t continue anymore.”, “Life doesn’t make sense.” or “That’s it! I gave up.”. I wonder what He thinks about me whenever I am doubting myself. Today, I wonder what the devil thinks about me whenever I am praying. Today, I just wonder what people think about me. Can I dive deeper inside their minds and read every single word that they can say about me? Is that even possible?

 

I always wish I could read people’s mind. So that, somehow I could have that glimpse of idea of who I really am. Because you know what, the most painful thing is not losing yourself. It’s the idea of not knowing who you really are.

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SILENT CRY

I was lying on my ransacked bed;
I can hear the sound of the creepy bell—-
of an old, obsolete, and haunted church;
It gives chill through my whole body.

The cold and melancholic wind
was trying to seep through the windows
Of my frigid and lifeless room.
The whole universe was overpowered by darkness.

I thought it was just a cinch—-
To be free from the voices who are singing
Inside your head;
like, there was a ventriloquist living inside it.

And I was their slave
I don’t know how to fight
It’s hard..
It’s hard to fight when your enemy is yourself.

Every night, when the wind traipses the corner of my room
There’s an incantation that I hear
I want to be free—-
But they are living inside me.

Am I insane?
Asking myself in front of the mirror,
I can see the lifeless reflection of a man—-
Looking so dull and unhappy
But trying to be resilient.

the unheard remorse,
the wounded heart,
the sound of a weeping heart,
a blood that is coursing down through his finger tip
There was no life at all
He’s breathing and yet he’s dead.

Ellipses

I was too nice to say no
yet I was also afraid to say “I love you”
I am not your “promises” nor your “dreams”…
I am not meant to be broken.
I had two choices to ponder
are you my blessing?
Or just another disaster
maybe both…

Nightmare

Beers,
Candles,
Red roses,
Red lights.

Fear,
Laughter,
Hurt,
and Lies.

To love you was my biggest regret
Wanna know my worst nightmare?
It was the time you and I met.
How ironic this sounds to me?

I filled that part of you
and everything I gave;
I became the part of you
that I was trying to save.

 

 

 

——

photo: copy to the owner

ISN’T IT SO IRONIC?

isn’t it so ironic?
you were surrounded by people
yet you feel alone;
you feel empty;
you feel neglected.

isn’t it so ironic?
you receive countless “I love you” everyday
from the people you love;
from the people you treasure
yet you are wanting silently for that person
who’ll say the same words to you.

Isn’t it so ironic?
the person who flashes a smile
is the person who’s really hurting inside.

Isn’t it so ironic?
The one who tells lies
is the one who’s mostly adored
and the one who tells the truth
is the one who’s mostly hated.

isn’t it so ironic?
you have everything that people can ask for 
Yet, you feel like you need more…
 you were content
but you still want more…

isn’t it so ironic?
the one you used to love
is now the one you despised
for not knowing the reason
but you want to break free
from their arms.

isn’t it so ironic?
the thing you used hate
is now you want to try
is now a thing you can’t live without.

isn’t it so ironic?
the one who betrayed you
is the one you most trusted.

isn’t it so ironic?
the dream you want to have
is not really the dream for you.

isn’t it so ironic?
you worked hard for yourself
but you are not the one
who’ll benefit from it.

isn’t it ironic?
if you are not losing
you are not growing.

isn’t it so ironic?
the one who is taken for granted before
is now the one who matters most.

life is ironic,
you will never fathom the world
tell me if you never ask this yourself
because now… you already know.

words by: CJ SANCHEZ

Strangers On The Same Lane

He was just a stranger—-
and he managed to seize my heart
By his enticing smiles
By his wit
By his alluring charm.
But I promise myself not to fall
For I am not his responsibility to catch;
Because we were just strangers—
we walked on the same lane
yet our hearts will never collide
not forever
not even once…

I Used To Love Darkness

I used to love the darkness;
I used to love its serenity and placidity
I, for no reason try to live with it
but the more I stay there, the more they become unbearable.

I used to love the darkness
I used to love its calmness
Until I hear the eerie voices;
voices only I can hear.

I used to love the darkness
even its deafening silence
I may never know what creature will lurk
Perhaps… my madness

I used to love the darkness
Now it’s a thing I certainly detest
I wish I could step outside of myself
I want to free from this worn body
…but there were too many chains.