Last Time

The last time
I saw him,
I told myself
he was my past.
The last time
he kissed me
I told myself
He was just a dream.
The last he whispered
I love you
I told myself
He was my nightmare.
But the last time
I told myself
that I don’t love him anymore
was the moment
I recall,
I still am…

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Perilous Trap

The last time
I glimpsed
At his face
I warned myself
Not to be enthralled
By his mischievous smile
He was not my Cupid
He was a trap
and I won’t forgive myself
Once I let myself fall
For his deceptive charm
He will not save me,
I am not his responsibility
to catch.

The Sad Girl’s Wishes

Christian Jay Sanchez

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I wish, I was that girl whom you called beautiful. I wish, I was that girl
you texted every night. I wish, I was that girl you hugged when the rain
was pouring heavily. I wish, I was that girl whom you loved more than yourself. I wish, I was that girl in the photo. I wish I was that girl who slept on your lap. I wish, I was that girl you wanted to marry. How I wish, I was that girl so I may know what it feels like to be loved by you.

Words by: CJ Sanchez
Photo: Copy to the owner.

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I’m Tired of…

I’m tired of being unhappy
I’m tired of dealing with my anxieties
I’m tired of being a coward
I’m tired of being depressed
I’m tired of being sick
I’m tired of being hopeless
I’m tired of dreaming
I’m tired of blaming myself
I’m tired of crying
I’m tired of doubting myself
I’m tired of being the slave of my sin
I’m tired of reminiscing my painful past
I’m tired of dealing with these ominous creatures inside my head
I’m tired of being with toxic people
I’m tired of befriending my enemies
I’m tired of pleasing people
I’m tired of aiming
I’m tired of whining
I’m tired of over-thinking
I’m tired of reconciling
I’m tired of proving
I’m of everything
Most of all
I’m tired of failing God all over again.
I’m tired of accusing him why these things happening to me when in fact these are all my choice.
I’m tired. Exhausted. Ashamed of myself. I wish I could restart everything.

Dear Ex-Crush; It’s Done

How’s life? I know you’re enjoying every single moment of the day with her, the girl you’ve been praying for since then. We became close for only months because it was me from the very beginning who chose to avoid you, who chose to distance myself. Wanna know why? Because it’s not your responsibility to catch me if I accidentally fell in love. That sounds cocky I know. If we’re still friends; if we’re still close, you are probably laughing at me right now. Or maybe you’re just gonna frown and say “that’s too quirky!”

I’ve seen your last post on instagram. I’ve read your tweet and status last night. You were broadcasting all over the world how lucky you are to call her “love of my life”. How many times I wished I was her? Have you read the poems that I wrote for you? Probably not, because I didn’t even tell you that most of those poems I published on my blog, they are mostly dedicated to you. So stupid of me, I know.

I’m not bitter though I have to admit that I am somewhat envious to your new girl. You are not lucky to have her. It’s her; it’s her who’s lucky to have you. Or perhaps, you two were both lucky to have each other if that makes sense. Wait, I was also silently stalking your instagram last night. Your smile was genuine though I still don’t get it why there was a gap between your two front teeth. But don’t get me wrong, you are still handsome. I solemnly promised.

I want you to know that I am happy for you and I am happy for myself too because I made a right decision. I want to thank you for not asking me why I’m a bit standoffish. Perhaps, you already knew that I had feelings for you and you respect it. You also chose to not bother me anymore instead of giving me false hope.

There is always this girl in the mainstream story who’s silently falling in love with her guy friend. That’s the reality. Not all people are lucky when they fall in love, some of them are suffering silently… discreetly.

 

Photo: copy to the owner